Fly 'til California

Welcome as we Fly 'til California

Not a lovely pace

(towards this lovely place)

No extra room on the flight to California

Seems it took a year

Just to fly us here.

The one thing I would have changed about vacationing in Hawaii would be the fact that our church had their "Summer with the Eagles" series while we were gone, capped by a cover concert this past Saturday night. Worship leader Kristi T listed Hotel California as her favorite song in the concert, and it's also my favorite Eagles song ever. So I was thinking of the concert on the flight home and as it turned out there were many events on the flight that reminded me of the song lyrics.

I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF, THIS COULD BE HEAVEN

Delta has followed Jet Blue in providing individual in-flight entertainment screens with movies, TV and music offerings. Since the TV option is not available on Hawaii flights, the on-demand movies are free. I watched 2 movies on the way over, and was all set to watch "Hannah Montana" on the flight home (so as to have a point of reference with my grandchildren). Alas, it had been 2 weeks so that was no longer an option, so I opted for "The Hangover". I had heard it was funny, and it was. I don't laugh a lot at movies and this one had me really cackling.

OR THIS COULD BE HELL

About an hour into the movie, the plane's entertainment system crashed. I was right at the part where Alan started winning at blackjack to try to get the 80 grand ransom for Doug. The system would remain down for the rest of the flight. For some reason, it also included the overhead reading light. I also was informed that the only item I wished to purchase from the menu was sold out (We haven't had that snack here since 1969). With no movie came no sound in my headset, so I then became aware of the rather large family occupying 3 rows across from us. There was mom, dad, 3 kids under 4, a few aunts, and grandma. (Her mind was tiffany twisted, more on that later). The two youngest were both screaming. The 2 year old boy was upset because daddy was holding him, preventing him from running up and down the aisles. Daddy eventually gave in, and aunt #1 spent some time chasing him after being alerted by Jan that he had escaped.

YOU CAN CHECK OUT ANY TIME YOU LIKE

Since it was Sunday afternoon, I decided to take a nap--even though I had no golf tournament on TV to help put me under. I think I was under for about an hour.

THIS COULD BE HELL, continued

Slept enough to take the edge off, so had to depend on the family across the aisle for the rest of my in-flight "entertainment". Jan made a circular motion with her finger, around her ear, and pointed to grandma. Evidently while I was sleeping grandma had escaped, running up to first class before being captured by the same aunt. I decided that the adults had flipped to see who sat by the kids and who sat by grandma, and this aunt lost the flip. Grandma was in her seat as I awoke, screaming louder than any of the toddlers, complete with hand gestures. She was speaking in a language not familiar to me, pointing to the ceiling. I'm thinking maybe she was saying, "Why is it I'm the only adult on the plane whose reading light still works, and I have no desire to read?" I also decided that the family was moving to America in hopes that all they had heard about national health care was true and they could put grandma in front of a death panel. Meanwhile the baby was screaming, the two year old was jumping up and down in his seat, and dad had gone to sleep. Soon the sun set, we could no longer read, and were facing another 2 hours of what flying used to be like.

UP AHEAD IN THE DISTANCE, WE SAW THE GLIMMERING LIGHTS

LA eventually came into view, and the lights of the city were outshone by the Altadena fire. As troublesome as the fires are, they provided a temporary respite from in-cabin activities.

BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE

Momma eventually got the baby quieted down, first by changing her dirty diaper in-seat, then sitting her on the tray table and playing patty cake. She was actually giggling. Unfortunately, this also enterained the 4 year old, who was so overjoyed that his sister wasn't screaming, he decided it was his turn to show he could scream louder. It didn't matter that it was happy screams instead of sad screams. Dad woke up, pointed a finger at him, and went back to sleep. I decided that if I were still teaching 10 years from now, this boy would be in my math class.

BUT YOU JUST CAN'T KILL THE BEAST(s)

Finally landed, at a runway that must have been inside the Santa Monica city limits, so we had a 15-minute taxi to our aisle, followed by a 15-minute wait for a tow to the gate. Grandma escaped again, and aunt #1 just followed her trying to minimize the injuries. Lots of pretty pretty boys who apparently didn't understand English were ignoring the attendants' directives to remain seated, roaming the aisles as they had done for most of the flight. The attendant directed the boys back to their seats. She didn't even bother trying with grandma. By this time I had decided to blog about this experience. I also decided that the one thing that would have made it better would have been if my funny friend Heidi had been on board to write about it. These kinds of things usually happen to her.

HAD TO GET MY SPIRIT BACK TO THE PLACE I WAS BEFORE

In spite of all this, I was home. Vacation is nice, but home is nicer, especially since it has now kicked in that I am really retired. Since Jeff and Jen are working already, and the girls are not in school yet, I knew they were already asleep at my house and we would be spending the day with them. So,

LAST THING I REMEMBER, I WAS RUNNING FOR THE DOOR